The Fear of Forgetting
I have a fear of forgetting.
With nearly 18 years of mothering under my belt, it’s no surprise, really. When you’re responsible for other humans, you have to remember things.
Lots of things.
All of the things.
Too.Many.Things.
So you make lists. You write on whiteboards, paper slips, and the back of a junk mail envelope. You add color stickers to your planner, you create a BRAIN DUMP page in your bullet journal, and you color-code your calendar like some kind of modern artist.
But then you forget something.
Could be a big thing. Could be a little thing.
It doesn’t always matter, does it?
Whatever it is we forget is usually a big deal to the other person we’re remembering it for and then we feel awful that we forgot something and disappointed the person and then we turn this back on ourselves.
If only we were more organized.
If only we had paid more attention.
If only we had planned ahead better.
If only, if only, if only…
This makes me feel tired just writing this out.
The purpose of my sharing this is not to wow with you some brain hacks, parenting hacks, organization hacks, or get-your-shizzle-together hacks so that you can keep being the repository for ALL OF the THINGS TO REMEMBER FOR EVERYONE.
Nope, I’m simply showing up here to say that I get it. And that there might not be a good solution and that is okay too.
You see, last week nobody took out our trash. I had reminded two of my teens to take it out. But the day slipped away and then it was night and then in the wee hours of a Thursday morning, I heard the screeching stop-start of the trash truck coming down our street.
I immediately woke up and thought, “Crap.”
The trash bin was already filled to capacity and the trash collection only comes once a week, we have five people who live in our house and eat here nearly all meals and have lots of trash.
Why can’t anyone else ever remember things too?
I quickly started making a plan on how to handle our garbage for another full week. I found myself getting super frustrated and highly irritated.
Was it about the actual trash? Partially.
Was it more about wishing I didn’t have to remember and remind people? Boom.
And before you suggest a chore chart system, leaving huge sticky notes, or texting everyone their things to do, please don’t.
There are thousands of ways to tackle the trash issue but at the core is this:
I’m holding so many things in my brain that I can’t or shouldn’t forget. My guess is, mama, you are too.
Birthday gifts
Doctor appointments
School assignments
Work deadlines
Recipe measurements
Phone numbers
80s song lyrics
You’re mom’s request for updated photos
Grocery lists (have mercy)
Volunteering commitments
Your teen’s driver license appointment that’s two months from now
The half-dried towels in the dryer (this is your reminder to go check–you’re welcome)
Defrost the chicken so you can eat it before 9:18 pm
This is, of course, a sample list. This is also a reminder that I know your know that we can (and should) ask for help, delegate, and simply just allow ourselves to forget.
Raise your hand if you do this and yet still have a fear of forgetting.
Me too.
I recently was in a coaching session with a client and we discussed how she sometimes feels like she’s gripping the kitchen counter with both hands, hanging on for dear life, but at the same time, she has several hands sprouting from her head keeping the “Don’t Forget” plates spinning.
All at the same time. Phew.
So, what can we do?
First, I am going to start getting chummy with the idea of forgetting. I’m going to start journaling or noticing why it makes me feel so overwhelmed. I’m going to play in the gray space because very few things are black and white (hello, nuance!) and truly, it’s not my actual job to remember everything for everyone for the rest of eternity.
Secondly, I’m going to play around with better ways to offload things that I don’t actually have to physically and mentally carry. I’ll report back on this. I mean, I will if I remember to.
Lastly, I’m going to keep leaning into my age and stage of life right now. I’m going to keep coming back to FLOW, my River Rock Values (Faith, Authenticity, Encouragement, Connection, Purpose, and Light), and remember that the true and truly important things will usually rise to the top and stick
Our job isn’t to fear the forgetting.
It’s to embrace what we can, show up as ourselves, make lists (because we’re always going to make lists), add a touch of humor, and a whole mug of grace.
Hi mama, do you need some extra support? My Cuppa & Coaching Session might just be what you’re looking for right now. It’s a 90-minute 1:1 coaching session where we can discuss self-care practices, a life transition, or whatever your heart needs. It’s a wonderful way to try out life coaching and reap the benefits of focused care and attention for you. Reach out to me at hello@coachvanessanwright.com or send me a DM on Instagram at @vanessanwright to learn more.
